Ways to Traumatize Your Child: Take Them to a Crazy Doctor

You know, it's never a good sign when the first thing your baby's new pediatrician says to you is, "Whoe... That's one big baby!" I wanted to be like, "Hey, thanks for the news flash, doc!" but I decided to behave myself. She did, however, tell me a million times how handsome he is and how she never sees children as good looking as him. What can I say? My eggs are amazing.

Ok, so Tuesday was Jack's 12 month doctor's appointment. He's 13 months old though, so we're a month late. Whatever, no big deal. Of course I forget his shot records and social security number and am just completely unprepared altogether. I thought this was going to be a 10 minute appointment where she checks him over, weighs him, and pronounces him a well baby. Wrong! I felt like I was being interigated by the FBI! She had about a million questions for me about my family history. After all of those, she gets into his biological father's family history. Here's how it played out:

Doc: "Do you know if the biological father has diabetes in his family?"

Me: "Uhhhh...."

Doc: "Cancer?"

Me: "Ummmmm....."

Doc: "Asthma?"

Me: "Uhhhhhhh.... Oh! He has acid reflux!"

Probably not the answer she was looking for as she gave me the ol' deer in the headlights look. I then quickly said with my head down low, "I'll ask Jack's grandmother." Big mistake! Because that brought on an entire new conversation:

Doc: "Oh, so you are speaking to Jack's other family?"

Me: "Oh yeah! They're great! They really love Jack a lot."

Doc: "And you are ok with them seeing Jack?"

Me: "Uhhh, yeah?"

Doc: "Most single mothers don't allow the other family to see the child."

Me: "Well, I just figure since everyone loves Jack, he should be able to see them."

Why am I justifying to her why people who love Jack should be able to spend time with him? That really irritated me. I know I can be really petty sometimes, but come on, I'm not that terrible of a person. She asked all about how they interacted with him and stuff. I don't know, it was just really weird.

Then she starts asking about Kevin. Now, if you thought I was sensitive about my feelings for the Lynch family, I'm a real softy when it comes to my sweetheart.

Doc: "How does your fiance treat Jack?"

Me: "Like his own"

Doc: "Hmmm...."

Me: "What?"

Doc: "It's rare to find a man to step in like that and be the father figure to a child."

Ok, that's true, but the way she said it is what really bothered me. It was like she thought I was making Kevin up. I may live in fantasy island most of the time, but Kevin exists!!!

So, after that whole song and dance of justifying the people that are in my son's life, we got into Jack's health. He is 32" long, and 28 pounds, 14 ounces. I think the scales I've been putting him on must have been off as I had estimated him at 32 pounds. The doctor was very impressed that he can walk, run, put objects into holes, sit up on his own, etc. She said he was doing very well socially, as well. Her only concern was he can only say one word. She said most babies can say 6 words at this age. Well, Jack is not like most babies! So, Kevin has been working very hard with Jack by reading to him more and talking more to him about the objects he's playing with. Dog... Hat... Ball... Lego... Are we sure we want to teach this boy how to talk? We'll see how it goes, but I'm in no rush for that tot to start speaking his mind.

She also told me that Jack can not be a vegetarian at this age. Tofu, dairy, and soy are no enough protein for him. She said the whole milk he drinks is why he is so chubby, and that he needs to have meat in his diet. I was not happy with that, and argued with her. However, she is the doctor so I have decided to allow fish and poultry into his diet. Since I've incorporated meat into his diet, it's all he wants (that and Oreo's). I am not a happy mommy right now.

Oh, and while we there, the doctor said that Jack's circumcision had healed a little wrong. The next thing I know, Jack was purple and not breathing. That's because he was crying. She said, "I don't tell the parents I'm about to do that because they panic and then the child panics." Do what? I didn't see her do anything! All I knew was my baby wasn't breathing because he was so pissed off. I said, "What did you do!?" and she told me she had to tear the foreskin on his penis. What the &*%$! Who the hell does that? This doctor came highly recommended to me. She is so popular that her next available appointment isn't until February. Are you kidding me? You tear my son's penis, judge Jack's family, judge my fiance, and tell me repeatedly how fat my kid is. I am finding a new doctor. On a happy note, Jack's penis has healed from the trauma and he is ok now. Nothing has fallen off, thank goodness!

Alright, I'm calm. Now, lets see, other updates... Grandma Tutu is in town! She'll be staying with us for a few weeks which I am stoked about. FREE BABYSITTING! I get to pick up a few days shifts at work, go out with my friends, and even have a date with Kevin. Sigh, the joys of grandmas!

Today Jack has a play date with Nathan and Noah. We are all going to the park and having a picnic. Our goal is to get all three boys exhausted as us moms are going out tonight and want them to behave for their babysitters. My guy is an angel pie, I need not to worry about him.